Veterans Day Playdate

Advice for a woman in new couplehood.

Randy and I have almost been together for 18 years. I didn't live with a brother, and I am a strong willed independent woman. It has been quite a journey for me to learn how to be a wife (and now I am learning how to be a mother). My sister is just beginning her relationship, and being around a new couple recently brought to mind some of the things I know without knowing how I know, and things I've learned the hard way.

1) A way to a man's heart is through his stomach. - English Proverb

I am going to start out with the most obvious thing. I have never seen a grown man turn down homemade food. And I believe homemade food is becoming rare.

2) She doesn't use her love to make him weak. She uses love to keep him strong. -- Stevie Wonder "That Girl"

I think love makes women feel weak and vulnerable and I think naturally we want our men to feel weak and vulnerable when we do. So when we feel the most insecure, we want to lash out and chip away at our men to keep them in line. Maybe threaten to leave and see if they care or not. Measure just how much they care by how much pain they show.

This kind of thing is silly. Very very silly. And women do it all the time. And more usually then not it brings about the end of a relationship which is the exact opposite of its intent. When I heard these lyrics from Stevie Wonder one day, I heard it at one of those moments when I absolutely needed someone to kick me in the butt.

3) Make love; not war. -- 1960's anti-war slogan.

Along the same lines as 2. If you want to win a man over, use love, not guilt, or manipulation, or ultimatums. Do not draw lines in the sand which can only lead to conflict. Share your hopes, your dreams, your fears, your happy thoughts instead. Take his love for granted. Take for granted that he wants to make you happy, and just ask nicely for what it is you want. Don't hint. Don't be vague. Be direct and sincere.

4) An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. -- Ghandi

Forgiveness is like Othello -- it takes a minute to learn and a lifetime to master. Do not hold grudges. Do not pull a list of past battles out every time you are having a dispute. Do not yell at him about that time he almost intentionally ran you over with the car just to decide who's turn it is to wash the dishes tonight.

5) Do Unto Others as You Would Have Done to You. -- The Golden Rule

If you want a man to be nice to you, you have to be nice to him. Make sure you are giving him everything you are asking him to give you.

If you can somehow magically just learn these 5 things, you can literally save yourself years worth of aggravation and unnecessary struggle. Like the shortcut line to the rollercoaster -marriage is much more fun if you skip the headaches and just play nice.

Gosh Darn It, I Have More to Say

I couldn't let the subject go -- this advice is for a woman in Not So New couplehood.

TRUST

You can and should give people 100% of your heart. But that doesn't mean you have to give them your money. In a relationship, keep your own money. Keep your own bank accounts. Keep your own credit cards. You can create a joint account when and if you have a house together and children together to pay for those things you share, but always have a piggybank of your own to dive into for your own things.

INNOCENCE

You cannot prove innocence, only guilt. It is better to be the fool that trusts her man entirely, then to be the fool that always accuses an innocent man of cheating or lying.

CONFIDENCE

Your man was not put onto the earth to make you feel good about yourself. That is your job.

DEPENDENCE

The only people you can entirely assume financial, emotional, and physical support from are your parents (if they are the dependable kind of parents). You must not assume these things from a boyfriend or husband. It is up to him to offer these things to you, and it doesn't mean he doesn't love you if he doesn't offer you these things. When and if you find you need these things from him, talk about what your needs/ expectations are. Work on a compromise. Never assume.

COMPROMISE

I once had a Facebook friend who spoke of wanting to be married to her boyfriend, and being angry at him for not giving in. She talked him into it. To this day, I do not understand that. Marriage is all about compromise. If the guy needs more time, he needs more time. My view is you should avoid marriage until you absolutely have to do it -- because you have permanent attachments already like children and expensive property. It's not like a trap or a cage you can use to rope someone in by your side to make yourself feel more secure. Its more like permanent glue; you should only use it on yourself if you are absolutely positively certain you know exactly where you want to be stuck. And the other person should be fully aware and free to attach themselves when they are ready, not you. If you have to hurl ultimatums at someone to force them into marrying you, you are starting off on the very wrong foot.

My Maternal Second Cousin Once Removed

I had to refer to this cousin chart to verify how this baby is related to me since I was somewhat in the dark. I guess I could just say she's my grandmother's brother's daughter's grandchild. Her name is Mia.

Juggling With Bob

We went to see Hilby at the State Theater with Bob. Then Emy and Bob spent some time at home juggling.

Making Rice Krispie Treats for Felicia & Tom

Spontaneous Yarn Art by Kat

Treeehouse Roof Part 2

Shipwreck Golf w/ Auntie Felicia, Tom, & Flea Jr.

Fall Day, Spring Weather