Gosh Darn It, I Have More to Say

I couldn't let the subject go -- this advice is for a woman in Not So New couplehood.

TRUST

You can and should give people 100% of your heart. But that doesn't mean you have to give them your money. In a relationship, keep your own money. Keep your own bank accounts. Keep your own credit cards. You can create a joint account when and if you have a house together and children together to pay for those things you share, but always have a piggybank of your own to dive into for your own things.

INNOCENCE

You cannot prove innocence, only guilt. It is better to be the fool that trusts her man entirely, then to be the fool that always accuses an innocent man of cheating or lying.

CONFIDENCE

Your man was not put onto the earth to make you feel good about yourself. That is your job.

DEPENDENCE

The only people you can entirely assume financial, emotional, and physical support from are your parents (if they are the dependable kind of parents). You must not assume these things from a boyfriend or husband. It is up to him to offer these things to you, and it doesn't mean he doesn't love you if he doesn't offer you these things. When and if you find you need these things from him, talk about what your needs/ expectations are. Work on a compromise. Never assume.

COMPROMISE

I once had a Facebook friend who spoke of wanting to be married to her boyfriend, and being angry at him for not giving in. She talked him into it. To this day, I do not understand that. Marriage is all about compromise. If the guy needs more time, he needs more time. My view is you should avoid marriage until you absolutely have to do it -- because you have permanent attachments already like children and expensive property. It's not like a trap or a cage you can use to rope someone in by your side to make yourself feel more secure. Its more like permanent glue; you should only use it on yourself if you are absolutely positively certain you know exactly where you want to be stuck. And the other person should be fully aware and free to attach themselves when they are ready, not you. If you have to hurl ultimatums at someone to force them into marrying you, you are starting off on the very wrong foot.