Dear Nephew, Now that You are Going to Be A Dad

A few words of advice: --

1) Children sleep best when they are fed, warm, and after all gas has been expelled from their bellies.

2) Always give a baby a bath with running water nearby that is the perfect temperature, or you'll be sorry.

3) Unless tissues are handy, they are of no use.

4) Do unto your child, as you would have done to you; i.e. use the word "No" as little as possible because they will be better at using it than you are.

5) Always expect spit-up.

6) Buy diapers and wipes in bulk.

7) Start saving now for the family vacation to Disneyland. Oh, and college, too.

8) Your children will teach you how to be a parent, but never let them figure that out.

9) A father's job is to keep mom happy (or at least fed and sane), and occupy the children enough until they are physically exhausted (which will make mom happy).

10) Chocolate is the most important food in the house. No house should be without chocolate syrup and chocolate chips at any time. Followed closely by bread, peanut butter, and jelly.