Living in Edgewise

Friday, May 17, 2013

Nora, Nora

Kat made her stage debut today. She played the main character Nora Blue from the story Everyone Asked About You.

I wasn't going to put this picture on the blog, but Emy was so adamant that I not put it on the blog, that I got stubborn about it.

UPDATE: -- Found out that it was Smart Balance. Took forever to figure that one out. I use Smart Balance so rarely. I have been using it to make Emy some Lactose Free baked goods.

Bubbles

NYSSMA Solo

Pre-Audition Practice.

Waiting her turn.

Notice the books under her feet. Her chair was too high.

She had a solo audition. She "aced" it despite height limitations.

UPDATE: -- She scored 28 out of 28, Outstanding.

Playing Guitar

Friday, May 10, 2013

Job Didn't Work Out

April 17th was my last day at my new job. I have been giving a lot of thought as to the reasons why it didn't work out for me. The first and biggest reason was a very clear one -- on my 3rd day at work, Kat got sick with something akin to whooping cough, and she coughed almost every night for 8 weeks straight, and I thought it must be she was allergic to her new babysitter's house because I couldn't figure out what else it could be and why it only happened when I started working. But there were other reasons and those were more abstract but they are coming into focus now --

Some people work for a living, as a part of their life. It's integrated for them. But I have never thought of work as a part of life. I have thought of it as a distinctly different thing – a chore; one that you must perform in order to live.

As to why I might feel that way, I think it has something to do with my parents. My mom worked for a company for 30 years, for instance. Day in, day out. In sickness and in health. In rain, in snow, and in desperate humidity. And over the course of some of those years, I watched as she squeezed her life into the weekends. And as a child, it made no sense to me whatsoever that people could devote so much of their time, 5 days out of 7, to something they do simply because they “have to”. Made me question just how much of it has to be done from need, and how much of it is done because of want.

The HR person used the term Work/Life Balance as a buzz word with me. That I am one of many of my generation seeking it. My ideal work/life ratio I guess would be the flip side of what my mom had – to have work be the thing I squeeze in, give it 2 of my 7 days. Motherhood is my career and I am looking for a small side job.

And though I knew I was taking on “full time” work at the new job, I still thought it was going to be easy enough work, that I could just sort of ignore how much time I was spending at it. I had been hoping that there would be stacks and stacks of work that I'd be so busy that I could just ignore the time. And for the most part, on some days that was the case.

But I also realized early on, something I hadn't known or seen clearly was that what they were hiring me for was a career. Despite my years of experience, they were looking for someone who would want to climb the ladder. Start small, answer phones, work your way up. Which I wasn't prepared for at all - I had done it all already before so I know how much time that takes. I wasn't looking to do that all again. I was looking more for - “here, let me give you this stack of work to get done” sort of job.

Woman in this article (see article at this link) sums it up nicely for me –

If you want high-achieving mothers back in the workforce, don't give us an office and a work week filled with facetime, give us something to get done and tell us when you need it by.

With clear project descriptions, deadlines, and compensation, more moms who may be overqualified for a position might decide that they are willing to help out with a project because it meets their needs in the short term. I am sure that many moms will even step up to do a project even at the cost of their family because the timing is only temporary.

Yup. I totally agree with that.

So back to the drawing board with me. Good news is that I know exactly what I am looking for now, a part time, no nonsense side job. Bad news is there just ain't anything like that here, or else I think I would have found it by now.